Is it that time of year again?

So here we are on the eve of Scan week.
I am trying to grasp sanity, with everything I have.
And I have to say, this week it's hard. This world is so messed up!
The earthquake and tsunami in Japan leaves me speechless. I think I have problems.
So, today Ross did something that was a 6.7 on our marriage richter scale. Jolting, but no major damage. Ryan (our 2.4 y/o) was in the kitchen saying "owe, owe, owe". Ross said"what is it, is it you tummy?". And then it happened: Ross turned to me and said, "he's been touching his left kidney area, scratching at it and saying owe, did you notice".
So for most of you this is what? What's the big deal? For the parent of an NB child this is where the white noise fills your head to point where you think it might explode.
Neuroblastoma is often found as a tumor on the left adrenal gland/kidney. We are. . . .NOW . . . Acutely aware of symptoms.
So, I bite and ask Ross why he would say that. His honest answer was fair enough he said he is always looking for it.

But, see, Ross is my rock. I'm the crazy freaked out mother. I'm the one who worries over every fever, worries over every single complaint of pain. I worry enough for everyone. But Ross doesn't, so i thought. And that kept me safe.

So this admission sent me realing. Especially since it wasn't Josh,it was Ryan. Don't go bringing the baby into this!

This shocked me. But at elastic I know Ross is human and real and not so unlike me and maybe I'm not so crazy.

Josh continues to struggle everywhere he goes. I can't help him . . .I'm afraid that changing schools would just show the same problems. Then it really is him.
School counsellor says we need to think about whether peace arch is the right place for Josh. Principal thinks he's delusional and potentially dangerous. I am filled with rage.

I want them all to FUCK. rIGHT. OFF. While I don't want to be that parent, don't they know or have any clue what Josh has been thru? Can't they give him a little bit of a break?

So now we bring him home for lunch every day. Well, I go get him, make him lunch, then drive him back. I don't enjoy this. I hate it.

Ugh, don't have the heart for all the details. I'm trying to remind myself that I am good and it's okay to be good. Yes, that's my counseling homework.

Fuck it. When's it gonna get easier?

In the mean time, I cant help but spoil all Bree kids rotten, cause I never want to regret no doing it when had the chance. Love. Love. Love. My. Boys!